Te Tipu Haere

Growing into Being

  • Crispin Balfour
Keywords: suicide, depression, false self, true self, capacity to be alone, rage

Abstract

For many years my practice of psychotherapy has been informed by two papers written nearly 60 years ago by Donald Winnicott: “The Capacity to be Alone” in 1958 and “The True and False Self” in 1960. I often find myself sitting with the experience of someone searching in me for themselves, sometimes insisting that I explain how they should be in the world, as if I am supposed to know who they are better than them; sometimes there is a sense of seduction associated with this experience. Recently I connected with a quote from Uri Bronfenbrenner: “In order to develop normally, a child requires progressively more complex joint activity with one or more adults who have an irrational emotional relationship with the child. Somebody’s got to be crazy about that kid. That’s number one. First, last, and always”. In this paper I consider how my patients have taught me both how to be alone with them and also be crazy about them, so they can grow themselves.

Whakarāpopotonga

Kua hia tau au e huri ana ki ngā whakaakoranga mai o ngā tuhinga e rua ā Tānara Winikoti i tuhia e ono tekau tau ki muri: “Te Kaha ki te Tūtahanga” i te tau 1958 me “Te Tuakiri Pono te Tuakiri Hewa” i te tau 1960. He wā anō ka puta ake he hau pēnei i te mea e kimi haere ana he tangata i a ia i roto i a hau, ka tohe mai hoki māku e whakamārama atu me pēhea tōnā āhua i roto i te ao i runga i te whakaaro he mōhio ake au i a rātau ko wai rātau; i ētahi wā puta mai ai he āhua hīanga. I kō tata tonu ake nei ka tūpono au ki tētahi kīanga a Uri Porohenaperena: “E whanake maori ai, me āta whakaraupapa kia piki haere ake te uaua o ngā tākarotahi a te tamaiti me tētahi pakeke, ētahi pākeke he heahea noa iho nei te whakapiri ki te tamaiti. Me piripono tonu he tangata ki taua tamaiti. Koinā te tuatahi. Tuatahi, tuamutunga, ākē ākē”. I roto i tēnei tuhinga ka whakaarohia ake e au te whakaakohanga mai a āku tūroro me pēhea te noho tūtāhanga i ō rātau taha i tua atu i te noho kaingākau ki a rātau kia kaha ai rātau ki te whakatipu ake i a rātau anō.

Published
2018-09-24
How to Cite
Balfour, C. (2018). Te Tipu Haere. Ata: Journal of Psychotherapy Aotearoa New Zealand, 22(1), 49-61. Retrieved from https://ojs.aut.ac.nz/ata/index.php/ata/article/view/73