We cannot imagine without the other

Contact and difference in psychotherapeutic relating

Abstract

Human beings are interdependent: we can only say 'I am' because 'we are'. We are therefore intersubjective, and cannot imagine without the other. Thus, in any helping or therapeutic relationship, it is crucial to reflect on, process, understand and evaluate how we relate, one with another and with others. This is especially and particularly important when we are relating across differences. This paper, which is an edited version of one given at the NZAP Conference held in Waitangi in April 2008, draws on the tradition of organismic psychology. The view that the human being is an organism connects the individual to his or her environment and to the significance of others, without which the individual cannot be understood. More recent research in neuroscience has confirmed that this psychological and, ultimately, political perspective has neurobiological foundations. On this basis, the contact between client and therapist is crucial: from the initial contact before meeting, to the first face-to-face meeting, and throughout the therapeutic encounter. Drawing on the work of both Rogers and Stem, the paper critiques the concept of 'the therapeutic relationship' as a fixed construct, and offers some ideas about the importance of contactful 'ways-of-being' in therapeutic relating.